Gone
by motherchuckerxoxo
Summary: Set after "The Revengers" Blair (along with the whole of Manhattan) believes chuck has died on board the bass private jet to Moscow. How will she deal with the heartbreak of losing the one person she loved more than anything else in the world? And can she cling on to the hope that chuck may still be alive? Blair/Chuck
1. Chapter 1

Set after "The Revengers" Blair (along with the whole of Manhattan) believes chuck has died on board the bass private jet to Moscow. How will she deal with the heartbreak of losing the one person she loved more than anything else in the world? And can she cling on to the hope that chuck may still be alive?

She lay there in the sleepless darkness of her room. Surely she was dreaming and soon she would wake from this horrible nightmare. Life without Chuck was unthinkable. But maybe.. "No" she spoke out loud. She didn't want to jinx it. They had still not recovered any bodies from the crash. Blair clung onto the hope that Chuck was still alive, out there somewhere waiting to be rescued. The sound of an incoming call brought her back to reality. She grabbed her cell phone hoping it would be the one person's voice she had been dying without.

"Hey B its me" Serena spoke in a tone so filled with pity Blair couldn't stand it.

Serena. Not the voice she had been hoping for but still a comfort in itself.

"S! Its 3am what are you doing calling so late?"

"I needed to check up on you B." she sighed. "Dorota said you hadn't been sleeping and since you've refused to see anyone, even me, this is the only way to talk. How are you feeling?"

Blair had been cooped up in her room since word came of the accident. She couldn't face anybody. Everything was a constant reminder of him. But she couldn't let her emotions show. She was Blair Waldorf!

"_Dorota_ needs to focus less on my behaviour and more on her's! She's so on edge lately I mean really, I know she's pregnant bu-"

"B.." Serena spoke gently. "I know this is insanely hard for you, but you have to talk to someone! Its been 5 days and the only human interaction you've had is with Dorota! We all miss him you know, we're all mourning. Its easier if we do it together. Me, you and Nate. We need eachother now more than ever. Chuck's death-"

"Don't say it!" Blair pleaded "Please Serena I can't hear those words. Not yet. I know you and Nate miss him too, I get it. But I really need to be alone right now." she choked back tears as she spoke.

"Come on Blair." Serena sighed.

"I'll call you later okay.." She hung up the phone without saying another word. She lay there in silence listening to the pitter patter of rain on her window. How could she carry on living with nothing to live for?

She rolled over and prepared for another sleepless night.

She woke to the sound of footsteps down the hall. Before she had the chance to sit up, Nate and Serena appeared at her bedroom door. She wanted to tell them to leave, that she didn't want to speak to them, but by the look's on their faces she knew. They were feeling it too.

Nate's hair was messed up, he had bags under his eyes and he was wearing sweats – the total opposite of his usual upper east side attire. As for her best friend, she looked awful- if that was even possible for Serena Van Der Woodsen. The pair silently made their way towards Blair's bed and sat down.

"Serena.." Blair began, with tears threatening to spill down her face, "I told you not to come. I can't. I can't talk. I don't want to!"

The tears were streaming down her face now. She knew her friends weren't going anywhere. She sighed at her own weakness. Blair Waldorf doesn't cry! Except when Chuck Bass is involved that is.. Before she knew it she was pulled into a comforting hug by Serena and Nate. She felt herself relax and hug them back. Their warmth enveloped her. She felt safe. Why had she been without her friends this past week? She needed them and they needed her. They were a family. Family. The thought made her begin sobbing. There were four people in this family, and only three were here. One was either dead or lost forever at sea. She clutched on to her friends and cried. For the first time all week she really cried. It was as though all the tears she had been holding back came flooding out all at once. She had been living in denial up until this moment. Suddenly reality hit her. He was gone and he wasn't coming back. Ever.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for the reviews! This is my first fic so they're really helpful. I felt if I had another chapter without a time jump I'd be dragging out the sadness which can become boring to read, so I decided to jump forward about a month for this chapter. All reviews are welcome, enjoy!**

"_Spotted: Blair Waldorf strolling the streets of Paris – alone. Has our queen B left the Upper East Side for good? Who knows, but don't worry everyone, no matter where B goes I will always follow._

_You know you love me, _

_xoxo gossip girl"_

Blair sighed as she snapped her cell phone shut. The whole reason she had agreed to this trip was to get away from the upper east side and also, from gossip girl. It had been Serena's idea for Blair to go to Paris. At least until she cleared her head and came to terms with _everything._

She had been trying her best to erase her memory of everything to do with Chuck. It was the easier option opposed to dealing with her grief, but she was learning the hard way that there truly was no remedy for memory. Everywhere she went _he caught up with her._

She never understood what those words had meant when Chuck said them to her what felt like a lifetime ago. Now she understood. Everything she did reminded her of him and she couldn't fight it or run away from it. She had to deal with it.

She strolled through the busy streets of Paris, knowing where she wanted to go. It sounded stupid but the place that comforted her the most was Pierre Hermé's bakery. Home to her favourite treats- especially the macaroons. She reached the bakery and stared in the window. Everything looked too good to eat but she knew what she wanted as always. Something stopped her from entering the bakery though. She felt eyes on her as if she was being watched. In the reflection of the window she saw a with eyes firmly fixed on her. The dark hair, prominent jaw line and perfectly dry-cleaned suit made her do a double take.

"No" she gasped. She took her eyes off the man for a second to spin around and look at him properly. Only he was gone.

Was it possible he was.. alive?! She knew they still hadn't found a body but she had given up hope by the second week of the search. He was Chuck Bass! If anybody could find his way back after that crash it would be him. Right? But the resemblance had been uncanny. She must have been dreaming. If that really had been Chuck he would have wasted no time in confronting her, he would have run to her. Just like she would have if the situation was reversed. So why had the stranger been staring so intensely at her?

"This is crazy. I'm crazy." she thought out loud.

She needed to get back to Harold and Roman's before she did something stupid.

"_Blair I can't. I have to go alone. I made a deal those were my father's terms. Just.. have faith in me. This one last time."_

"_But I've waited too long I need to be with you now!"_

"_Blair, trust me. Letting me go is the right thing to do."_

"NO. NO. DON'T LEAVE ME." She screamed, thrashing around in her bed. Dorota burst through the door. Had she been talking in her sleep again?

Ever since her return to the upper east side, Blair had been having the same nightmares every night.

"Miss Blair, you want warm milk? Its help with heartbreak as well as sleep you know."

"Thank you Dorota, but I won't be needing anything. Just the same bad dreams. The only way to deal with them is to wake up and look! I'm awake. Now you can go back to doing whatever it is you like to do at 2:30 in the morning."

She did her best to sound as much like Blair Waldorf as she could. She knew Dorota was worried about her, everybody was.

"But Miss Blair I just think-"

"Enough Dorota. I am fine. At least I will be once I can get back to sleep! Please, you know where the door is."

Without another word, Dorota silently left the room leaving Blair alone. Ever since the incident outside Pierre Hermé 3 weeks previously, she had been having the same horrific nightmares, all about Chuck. It was okay before. When she slept she was getting away from the heartbreak which had taken over her life. Now it had taken over her dreams too.

She couldn't go on like this. Wondering if Chuck was dead or alive was exhausting. The thought consumed her yet she could do nothing about. If it really had been him that day in Paris there must have been a pretty good reason as to why he is in hiding, she knew him well enough to know that at least. But what could be so important he would have to pretend he's dead to get it?

Blair knew Chuck wanted to take down Bart Bass- so did she after what he did to her. To Chuck. Wouldn't he just have to tell people how Bart had tried to have his own son killed to take him down? Surely that would prove what a dishonest man he was...

PROOF! That's why he's stayed away! He doesn't have any proof. And until he can find some, he can't come back! If he returned now, Bart would simply try and have him killed again.

"Smart guy" she smirked at his logic.

Blair was proud of herself and the way she was still so in sync with his thoughts. How had she not come up with this before? However, the fact that he might actually be dead was forcing its way in to her mind. What if the man she saw was just a stranger who so happened to look exactly like the man she loved? What if she had been seeing things? What if it was a _ghost?_ The word made her shudder.

She needed answers! If Chuck really was alive then she needed to see him in real life. Face to face. That would be the only way she could ever believe it. Otherwise she would be doubting herself for the rest of her life, and Blair Waldorf doesn't doubt herself.

For the first time in weeks she closed her eyes with a smile on her face. She had a plan and she was determined to make it work.


End file.
